Women's Complaints about Men and Men's Complaints about Women
By Robert Elias Najemy

Throughout 30 years of working with couples and groups, I have observed that women have the following complaints about men. These observations have been made in a Mediterranean society, and thus, may differ from others.

Women's Complaints about Men

1. They are not understanding enough.

2. They are not sensitive to feelings and needs.

3. They are not affectionate enough.

4. They tend to bypass sexual foreplay, and are quick to ejaculate thus losing their sexual interest, before the woman is satisfied.

5. They do not communicate enough. They do not express their feelings and thoughts.

6. They do not pay enough attention to their partners.

7. They do not spend enough time at home with their children.

8. They do not help with order and cleanliness of the home.

9. They do not appreciate the work involved in keeping up the home or in bearing and bringing up children and do not compensate this contribution to family life.

10. They make decisions about work and life without regarding the woman's or the family's needs.

11. They create extramarital relationships.

Men's Complaints about Women

In the same groups I have found that men have the following complaints about women.

1. Women complain, criticize and nag too much.

2. They try to control and suppress men.

3. They are seldom happy.

4. They tend to withhold sex as a punishment or blackmail.

5. They do not think logically, but emotionally.

6. Their emotions are not predictable but change quickly especially due to hormones, during menstruation, pregnancy or menopause.

7. They tend to gossip.

8. They, too, create extramarital relationships.

9. They are not home enough (which for some men means - continuously)

10. They are not taking enough care of the home.

What Men Can Do to Help Their Relationship Partner's Feel Happier
(Most lessons are, of course, for both sexes.)

Men can learn to:

1. Be more understanding and sensitive of her needs.

2. Be more affectionate, tender, affirming and loving.

3. Approach her consciously and sensuously allowing their mutual sexual energy to gradually develop.

4. To communicate more openly their thoughts, feelings and needs.

5. Spend more quality time with their children.

6. Help out with the cleanliness and order of the home.

7. Appreciate, and where necessary, financially reward their partners for work done in the home.

8. Include all the family in decision making.

9. Be monogamous.

10. Understand that her criticism is often a function of the fact that her needs are not being fulfilled.

11. Overcome the fear of being controlled and be true to themselves in each situation.

12. Understand that women perceive situations differently and respect that.

13. Understand that women are often the victims of their hormonal changes and that this is not easy.

14. Understand that women, too, need to get out of the house and engage in activities, which interest them.

What Women Can Do to Help Their Relationship Partner's Feel Happier
(Most lessons are, of course, for both sexes.)

Women can learn to:

1. Express their needs directly without complaining or nagging.

2. Trust their partner and allow him to function freely.

3. Focus on how grateful they are to have what they have.

4. Analyze situations from an even more logical point of view, especially when they suspect hormones are affecting them. (Or avoid reacting at those times.)

5. Avoid gossiping.

6. Be monogamous.

7. Find a balance between taking care of the home and asking the others for help.

8. Feel equal - neither superior nor inferior to men.

9. Understand that men have difficulty with communicating feelings and not take this personally.

10. Realize that their partner loves them even when he cannot be affectionate or tender.

11. Guide the man with their preferences in their sexual contact.

12. Radiate feelings of equality and self-confidence without competitiveness.

We need to transcend our differences and creating loving relationships.

May you and your family be well.

Robert Elias Najemy is the author of over 600 articles, 400 lecture cassettes on Human Harmony and 20 books, which have sold over 100,000 copies. He is the Founder and director of the Center for Harmonious Living in Greece with 3700 members. His book The Psychology of Happiness is available at http://www.amazon.com/.